First ST story

[zelara]

Hey guys,
This work in progress has been slowly developing in my mind before i slumber each night, but recently made its way out of my butt crack and onto my computer.
After the rather exciting responses I got from certain members including but not limited to Bel, I decided to share this extremely rough outline with you all. It is my hope that I may be able to continue to milk this shared enthusiasm to perfect, flesh out, and rebuild my musings.

Therefore, i present to you - my first rough draft;

[zelara]

Rough Introduction:
My goal is to create a realistic, more adult trek story. I also wanted to try to create something more cannon and with less U.S.S. Make Shit Up.

Rough Basic Outline:
Captain of a shitty science vessel not affiliated with Starfleet, current crew complement: Dren, Six, V’Lora and T’Larah. Having the mutual feeling that Starfleet has somewhat lost their path of exploration, they have set a course to pick up where Starfleet left off. As such, they continue to sport the 24th century Starfleet uniforms (2366-2372).

Basic Plot of Part 1:

Six and V’Lora go over the ship’s current condition with the captain. They explain a series of parts that are failing and cannot be repaired. The ship is in terrible shape, and the crew is pretty distraught.
The captain and his crew dock at a sketchy trading post, looking for replacement parts when they are stopped by a Ferengi. Through his fiendish smile, he asks if there is anything he can do for them. Uninterested in dealing with the no doubt arduous task the Ferengi is about to put them through, the captain continues walking, with only the response “…..No.”
V’Lora briefly loses her balance, her eyes widen as T’Larah catches her “Hey! …Are you alright?”
V’Lora straightens herself “..Yes….Yes, commander, I’m fine.”
The insistent Ferengi boldly pulls the captain by the arm “S-Surly you’re not just ‘taking in the view’! There must be SOMETHING I can help you find!” T’Larah stands between the captain and the Ferengi as the captain straightens his uniform, lets out an obvious sigh and looks over at V’Lora. The Vulcan officer lets out a similar sigh and begins to list every component the ship requires without pause until the Ferengi interrupts “Okay! Okay! I get the picture!”
He rubs his chin “Hmm…you know, I think I CAN help you…”
Cut scene to the officers and the Ferengi standing by a window overlooking a rather disorganized shipyard. He points to an old Boslic freighter and proudly states “What you guys need is a new ship!” T’Larah quickly responds “Sounds nice – know where we can find one?”
“Alright, a replacement ship!” the Ferengi barks. T’Larah looks over at the captain with a furrowed brow “Look at that piece of junk!”
“BUT IT’S SOLID.” The Ferengi quickly interjects “And that’s more than what can be said for your sorry ship!”
“Watch it, tiny.” T’Larah responds.
“Enough!” says the captain. “…how much is this…replacement going to cost me?”
The Ferengi stretches his back and looks upwards as he thinks for a moment. “Opportunity plus instinct equals profit…and my instincts tell me I’m on thin ice. I’ll tell you what I’ll do; your ship’s scrap value of course can’t cover the cost of this one, but let me see your manifest and we’ll see what we can do!”
V’Lora turns away from the crowd and holds her head. A voice…A feeling seems to brush right off the edge if her telepathic threshold… “V’Lora, can you see to that?” interrupted the captain. V’Lora looks around for a second, steadying herself “Y-Yes, captain, right away.” The captain studies V’Lora for a moment, quizzically before the Ferengi interrupts and begins providing V’Lora with contact information and a list of things he could use.

After the Ferengi and V’Lora leave, the captain and T’Lara browse the station while looking for a good place to get a drink. “Everything okay?” the captain asks, noticing T’Lara’s seemingly distracted expression. “It’s that Ferengi.”
Captain: “I get it, you don’t like the ship – but what do you want me to do!?”
T’Lara: “It’s not that! …That “deal” was downright generous by Ferengi standards."
Captain: “…Maybe there is something wrong with it. I kind of assumed we would get a once over before the deal was complete.”
T’Lara: “Maybe he NEEDS to get rid of it.”
Captain: “….Look, we won’t leave any stone unturned before handing over half our cargo…”

Later, V’Lora decides to take some time in her quarters to meditate. But before long, those feelings return - V’Lora feels a presence…she concentrates…
She throws caution to the wind and lets her own curiosity sweeps her into an overwhelming sensation of absolute despair and hopelessness, pulling at her psyche. Her eyes flash open wide in a brief moment of insurmountable anxiety. Her hand taps her combadge in response; “Captain, please respond.”
Before long, the senior staff is awoken and ordered to report to the observation lounge where V’Lora explains the situation once more.
T’Lara, massaging the bridge of her nose blurts “I’m sorry, why is this our problem?”
“Because Starfleet has always upheld the self proclaimed responsibility to render assistance when needed.” replied the captain, who had been facing away from the table, gazing out the window into space throughout the meeting.
T’Lara has the utmost loyalty and respect for her crewmates, and that goes double for the captain. Though she has had to bite her tongue a few times before, she isn’t afraid to speak her mind – especially if you piss her off enough.
Furrowing her brow, she responds to the captain’s point directly, “Okay, A. We’re not Starfleet and B. Even if we were, would we even have the jurisdiction to go mounting a supposed rescue?”
The captain turns with a slight grin at the corner of his mouth, “You know, you just brought up two good points. We aren’t Starfleet.” The captain’s eyes move up from the table, with a straight brow his eyes narrow “…Which means we can do whatever the fuck we want.”
The captain turns back to the window in the now silent room and takes a deep breath.
“You know…if we could feel the pain of the kids we make fun of at the academy…share the empty stomach of Bajoran refuge…feel a man loose his identity to the Borg rather than just witnessing these things….I bet you our history would be a little less bloody.”
The captain turns back again to face his crew with an upright, confident posture; “V’Lora is cursed with this luxury.” The captain turns his gaze to V’Lora midsentence.
“….I must help this individual, captain.”

END PART 1

[zelara]

So, I am of course looking for feedback and suggestions for changing the story. It isnt written in stone at all.
What I would really like is assistance in writing an intro story, or a chapter that comes before this one which explains a falling out between the captain and his commanding officer. I would like T'Lara to be involved as well. This story would need to explain why the two decide to leave Starfleet to explore space on their own.
Coming up next - a quick character profile

[zelara]

[daBelgrave]

I think one of my main questions is how they got their first ship. Pretty much the only scenario I can think of that actually works would be for one of them to have civilian connections that grudgingly give or loan them their first junk ship that barely works.

For the 'falling out' I expect only V'lora would be involved, with T'larah following her later, probably looking up to her like an older sister or something.

[zelara]

I agree that we need more of a back story, which is kind of what i was requesting in my second to last post.
However, i dont agree about only V'Lora being involved, and T'Lara wouldnt follow her at all. I think you might be confused that V'Lora is the captain?
The "captain" i intend to leave nameless with the intention of making it easier for readers to put themselves into the story as the captain.